Stood my ground

[Wendy P.]

Way to go, Mrs. Donna!
I can't wait until I can have a backbone like you! 
My daughter could eat pizza 24/7, also and influenced me to eat it last Friday night.
I was prepared and made the Pizza soup out of the book last night and let me tell you....it is delicious!!  My husband called me from work today and told me that it was SUPERB!!!!  The only problem was my daughter wouldn't eat it.  Oh, well, I'll keep trying to offer it to her. 
And by the way, I know that you will NEVER be an outsider here at LDL!!!   

Wendy 

[CodingQueen]

greenheron,

To be honest with you I really think the salad dressing was out of spite. She has managed to ruin every single marriage for her children except for ours so far. She use to call me at work to tell me things like she'd seen her son with another woman and thought I should know....HELLO! A normal mother would just have chewed her son out and told him to get his act together and never even mention it to me.

By the way, the other woman was my girlfriend (the same one we use to double date with in HS). She worked nights and had to travel almost twenty miles to work. My husband also works nights and had to go the same way. I was the one who had suggested that they ride together for her safety (we didn't have cell phones then).

But the real reason she's so willing is because she wants to see her grandsons and she knows they're not blind to what goes on around them, especially when it comes to me.

Just remember one thing, you definitely know what type of MIL you DON'T want to be.

CQ

[julie409]

OMG!  MILs are tricky!  I know when my daughter loses weight her MIL will say "Well, let's see how long it will take you to put it back on!"  instead of complimenting her or offering some supportive words. So now she doesn't even try to lose anymore. I haven't told her about LDL yet. I am waiting for her to ask. The only thing she has said is "You look good!" so I haven't ventured into that territory. I think it will be a much more powerful discussion if she is motivated to ask.

CQ, get out your wonder woman bracelets when you are going to see her. You are strong - you can deflect anything!   

Greenheron, sounds like you are well prepared! Good for you! 

For me, bc of the food allergies I can usually say no but you would be surprised by how many people challenge me and ask "Oh, have you been tested?"  Now why would I lie about that?  And when I was out with a friend - I didn't get a chance to order my salad with the dressing on the side (which I usually do so I can control the vinegar and salt) and it came and I was so hungry, I ate it all. Within 15 minutes the whole side of my face broke out into hives. My "Friend" says, "You know, I never believed you were allergic until now!" 

Who was it on another topic that said she just says "No thank you, I don't eat that!" ?
That should be enough but people are so pushy!

Julie

[CodingQueen]

julie409, thanks for the compliment.

My mother's boyfriend once gave me some advice that I'll never forget as long as I live. It was regarding a very close girlfriend with a cocaine addiction.

"If someone needs your help, then lend them a helping hand. But if they try to pull you down with them, let go".

That is so true. Usually people that are pushy are the ones who don't have the willpower to stay on a diet themselves, therefore, they want you to fail as well. It makes them feel better, after all misery loves company. That's why I had made the decision to keep my MIL out of the picture and I did succeed in losing weight. It was when I plateaued that I got discouraged...and my son was in a real bad motorcycle accident...I lived at the hospital for two weeks eating that garbage when that happened.

Now, I'm back to win that battle again and I WILL DO IT! And so will all of you as long as you remember to let go...Donna already has.

CQ

[CodingQueen]

Mary,

I think we'll all do fine if we remember one thing when it comes to being a MIL...."She makes him happy!" After all, that's what we want for our sons and daughters if that's the case (I don't have any)...and if she breaks his heart, just make sure we're there to help him pick up the pieces but NEVER tell him "I told you so." I think by then they already know they've made a mistake and they don't need any salt rubbed into the wound.

CQ

[greenheron]

Just remember one thing, you definitely know what type of MIL you DON'T want to be.

CQ

Zing!  Very, very sharp, CQ.  Please, God, help me remember that one.  My son is only 9! 

[julie409]

Hi Mary, I am so sorry that you had to endure that with your wee one. I am also sorry for him bc he has to deal with this and I KNOW it is not easy.  Thank God, children are so adaptable.

I don't know why we don't believe what people say. Maybe we just lack trust. Or maybe we just cannot relate to someone who is different than us. I have to tell you this - I come from a big Italian family who is primarily on the hefty side and we celebrate everything with food. My cousin's girlfriend was at the house and when I gave her a piece of birthday cake she said "No thank you, I don't eat cake."  Well I just stood there.  I was 15 and had never encountered that before and I never forgot it. It was so strange to me. 

I am a MIL and it is sometimes difficult to relate to my son in law. He was brought up so differently and his family is not very warm as evidenced by his mother's remark.  I wonder what he says about me!  I think it all boils down to a turf war. It's all about control!

Julie

[CodingQueen]

julie409,

I had the opportunity to experience first hand a best friend going into anaphylactic shock when I was little (first grade on the playground). He was allergic to all kinds of things. So, whenever someone tells me that they are allergic to something I try my best to make sure that it isn't in anything I've made. I don't want to ever relive that nightmare again. Unfortunately, something like that has to happen before most people will listen.

And, yes, I think you're right about the control thing. My MIL is from Germany (her father was in Hitler's army and fled the country in the middle of the night to get his family out). She still blames everyone but the Germans (Hitler) for turning her life upside down. My maiden name was Touchet (pronounced tooshay) so you can only imagine how upset she was when she found out that her son was dating a French girl (the enemy). She finally got over it when our first son was born...her response, "he's so beautiful"....my response, "he's half French".

CQ

[Victoria]

Donna,

I think is very sweet of you to go to Pizza Hut with your husband rather than stay home to avoid watching him eat something that before LDL I am sure you loved.  That is true love  -- little compromises like that keep a marriage alive and well!

VickiLynn

[Victoria]

I gave her a document that greenheron sent me for her to read.  

Donna,

The document in question is the one you gave to your friend who works for WW -- the one you went to the Chinese restaurant with.  Is this information that all of us LDLers might like to hear about?  If so, I would like a copy emailed to me.

VickiLynn