dealing with the death of my husband

[catboz]

I am new to this community. Two months ago yesterday I lost my husband unexpectedly. He was only 45. Although he had health problems most of his life including 3 kidney transplants, I was not prepared for this. (They think his heart gave out my gut says cancer- he had been on anti-rejection meds since the 80s) We would have been married 9 years on July. We have blessed with a beautiful 6 year old daughter. We both miss him so much. Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am having such a difficult time. Katie seems to handle it so much better but I think tomorrow may be difficult. I have been told that I have been handling things so well but the truth is I am numb inside. I have shut down in many ways and am not doing the inside things that need to be done on a daily basis. (IE cleaning, bills, etc)

Thanks for your prayers. I am happy I have found this site. It looks like a fabulous community to belong to.

[mom]

give yourself a break, you have been through a lot, and need to be able to grieve.  this next year will be hard, and sometimes harder than you want to deal with.  I pray that you will feel the comfort and peace from a God  who can give comfort to the comfortless, and hope to the hopeless.  Grieving is like a calender year each month is different and easier, but don't be surprized if you think things are going well, and you wake up the next morning feeling like it was just yesterday that your dh died.  I will pray for you for special strength to get through this time.

[julie409]

catbox,

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I am so sorry to hear of your husband's passing especially at such a young age. It is going to take some time but there is something you really need to hear --- don't worry about the cleaning but do get someone -- family or friend to come over every couple of weeks and help you get the bills paid and deal with the necessities of life. This is imperative to your survival. You will start to feel less numb as time goes on though there will be a poignant pain that is palpable especially on days like Father's Day.  But you need to make sure that your financial situation does not deteriorate while you heal. ASK FOR HELP.

It is an honor for the LDL community that you have trusted us with your story.  I will pray for your and your baby girl. I KNOW there will be many many members coming along shortly to offer their support and caring as well. Some of us are in the Pre crone stage of life and we have a lot of wisdom or at least some, to impart.

As for tomorrow, get out of the house. Do something that you have never done before or go somewhere you have never gone before. Or go to a happy movie and get transported if even for a few minutes. I watched a documentary on the families of firefighters that were killed on 911.  One of the things the children said was that as long as their mother was not happy, it did not allow them to be happy. I know this is fresh and new right now but find a way to honor your husband and then focus on one day at a time. Just getting out of bed and getting dressed may be a triumph on some days!

Prayers coming at you. Follow LDL, it will make the stress easier to handle and keep your body nourished while you heal. 

Julie

[LovinLDL]

I am praying now and will continue to pray Catbox, that the Lord would confort you and your daughter through this very difficult time. 

Trusting Jesus,
Julie

[julie409]

Catboz,

It's me again. I am so sorry for getting your name incorrect --- I called you catbox, which I thought when I wrote it :Why would anyone call themselves catbox?  Anyway, I now see that you did not --- I did. And my friend --- the other Julie ---followed me right into the quicksand.

I hope this may give you a chuckle --- I can't believe I did that!  Still sending prayers to you but with the right name! 

Catbox --- seriously -- what a ditz I am sometimes. 

(Sorry, Julie!)

The other Julie

[patsyfay]

The (other) Julie has given you wise advice, Catboz! I know you miss your husband, but right now you need to think of your daughter and yourself.  Step by step. Cry out to God...He is a very present help...He is the God who is THERE, right there with you.  Lean on Him and He'll get you through.  God bless you.

Pat

[ready4achange]

so sorry to hear of your loss.  a great big 

[heretotheend]

Catboz, you have my heartfelt condolence.I have not been through the loss of my husband but I have always heard that time heals all wounds. Just think of all of the good memories.  You will find alot of support on theses boards.

May God Bless,
Martha

[massageangel]

I am so sorry for the loss of your special loved one.  The love between the two of you will live on forever.

[t-rock]

Catboz.  I don't know what to say.  I can't even imagine how painful your loss has been for you and your daughter.  For your self, your daughter, and the spirit of your husband, stay strong as hard as that will be.  Rely on this community for support in achieving your own goals, we are all here for you.    I am sure you have many people in your life who want to help you.  Let them.

My thoughts are with you for peace and happiness.

Best,

Tiss

[GEM]

Catboz...

My husband went to work one day and never came home.  The year was 1989, and Gary was 42.  We met when we were 16 and I was a Candystriper at a small community hospital.  He had had a hernia repaired after injuring himself changing a tire.  I knocked on his door, stepped inside, and asked if he needed anything.  He smiled this great, goofy, drugged grin, pointed his finger at me, and said, "someday I'm going to marry you."  And he did.  Four years later, in a big church wedding, he promised to love and honor me til death did we part.  And he did.  We had 22 years together, and three wonderful children, one of whom has shared Father's Day with her Daddy for 35 years.  My point in telling you this is not to garner sympathy.  It is to tell you that someone else has been there, and survived, and to give you the hope and the promise that you will, too.  If there is anything I can do to ease your pain, even if it's just to listen while you talk about him, and the things dear to your heart, you have only to PM me, and I will be right by your side.  Day or night, lean on me...lean on all of us, until you can stand on your own again. 

This Father's Day, my gift to you is this poem that brought me great comfort:  it still does:  I hope it gives you a measure of peace, and the seeds of healing.  God love you and hold you close, sweet daughter of His.

I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says:
"She is gone."


Gone! Where?
Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her.


And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone",
There are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes"
- and that is dying.  An horizon and just the limit of our sight.
Lift us up, Oh Lord, that we may see further.

--Bishop Brent
1862 - 1926 

GEM

[margo]

Hi catboz...

To be honest, i read the subject line of your post for several days and could not bring myself to respond to it.  The one thing i really fear in life is to lose my sweet husband.  WHenever i think about it or he brings it up (he's about 15 years older than i am), i start to cry....can't help it.  I can't imagine my life without him even though we're practically still newly weds (going on 6 years)...  So i can't imagine the pain you must be in right now...

I pray that you'll feel better and that God will keep you in the palm of His Hand and comfort you and give you Peace.

margo

[catboz]

Hello everyone!

I am still trying to figure out the ins and outs of this message board. Not sure how to respond to each of you individually. I do want to let everyone who has posted and offered such heartfelt comfort know how very much it has meant to me. I have only been on here for 3 days and already it feels like a FAMILY. I know God has sent me here.

As for the name, I did get a chuckle out of CATBOX. I noticed that when I was reading and my first thought was, "Oh, dear, don't tell me I spelled my "name" wrong. It was pretty funny.  (By the way, Catboz is a combination of my first and last name!)

I know that we will get though this in time. I also have faith that God will be there every step of the way. My hope is that I will grow stronger, honor David's memory and that my (our) life and this experience will somehow impact the lives of others. Thanks again for the encouragement. Today (Father's Day) has been tough but I will continue to hold on to the memories and thank God for the Father Days we did have to share in the past! (He never dreamed he could have children! Katie was a true miracle!) May God continue to bless each and everyone of you!
Cathy

[mom]

Cathy:
I can only offer prayers, and sympathy, but I will offer you the words of a song that gave me great comfort after the death of my son, The song is called, "Wish you were here" and The words that I found particularily comforting started
        I can just see you there walking on the shore with Jesus
        And I know that if you could talk to me now
        that you would say Wish you were here.
Knowing that your dh is with Jesus, and you miss him like crazy, you still wouldn't ask him to return to this world,
I know that it is difficult to go on some days, but your little girl needs you so thank you for sharing your hurt with us so that you can receive strength from this group,
prayers being said for you and your daughter, may you feel the loving arms of Jesus holding you up in this difficult time

[julie409]

Cathy,

SO happy to hear from you esp. today. You will notice I did not try to spell out your screen name this time.  But maybe it was meant so you would have a little chuckle.

I hope that you and your wee one will feel a little lighter each and every day. I know that as she grows, you will see parts of David in her that you may have thought were lost but he never will be because he is in your hearts.

Please let us know how you are getting on, whenever you have some time. You must have tons of questions. We would be happy to help you on this path.

Love and blessings to you.
The other (Ditsy) Julie 

[Tina K]

Catboz,

You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers!

Hugs,

Tina K.

[t-rock]

Hi Cathy:

Wanted to drop in and see how you are doing.  Loss itself never goes away, but the open wound that is so painful does heal in to a scar of cherished memories.    As you said, you will grow stronger each day.  Take care of yourself.

Peace,

Tiss