Gwennaford's Journal

[turkkm]

Romans 8: [28] We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.

This is one that held me up in all kinds of trials.  May God bless you and Neil with these words.  You can be sure He is working for You and Neil's good this very minute!

Merciful Jesus, most perfect physician, place your hands into the hands of those who care for Gwen and Neil and cure them both in body and soul.  Bring them Your most perfect peace as You soothe and comfort them.  Amen. 

[LovinLDL]

Hi Gwen...just been missing you so I stopped by your journal.  I'll be praying for you both dear friend! 

Also, still looking forward to our lunch and stroll down the river walk...hoping for March.

Blessings and Love,
Julie

[bethp]

Hi, Gwen. Just wanted to stop by and let you know that you both are in my prayers. 

and....I miss you! Take care of both of you!

and.....I am trying the pressure cooker for the beans!!

Many hugs, Beth  etc

[Honeygram]

Hey, Gwen,

Have not been active lately myself, but everything is fine on my end.  My heart and prayers go out to you and your family in this stressful time. Miss you.

Honeygram

[mom]

dearest Gwen: keeping you and neil in my prayers, praying also for the surgeons that they will do the best choices for the surgery, so that they take only what is absolutely necessary and that neil heals well from the surgery.

[t-rock]

Hi Gwenn:

Just want to let you know we are praying for you out here in California.  Stay strong, I hope Neil endures minimal pain and maintains his good attitude.

Peace.

Tiss

[tprouty]

Our prayers are with you, too, Gwen and Neil.

May God give thorough healing, and peaceful hearts and minds. He is holding you both in the palms of His hands--and there is a plan in all of this! I know you know that, but sometimes it's nice to see it reinforced.

Take care,
Terri

[mrsj]

Hi Gwen.  I've been thinking about you as I have been remembering my own journey of hospital stays and visiting nurses for my dh, Terry.  You and Neil are in my prayers and I thank God that He carries us through these storms as it says in the Footprints poem.
Just know many of us are thinking of you.
Hugs and prayers,
mrsj

[isthis4me]

You know I am bad about reading journals  but I was in my bath soakin just now and thought, where has Gwenna bean ( pun intended ) so I got up, came out here and found this 

Gwen, I add my prayers along with the others for you and Neil, may you both be strong and carried through and planted safely with HIM

[Gwennaford]

Hello all my good & faithful friends!  It does my heart SO much good to stop in and see the outpouring of prayers, love and care you send our way.  Following is an update on what's been going on.

I'm still LDL-ing.  Don't know if I have lost weight cause I don't weigh anymore.  I'm still comfortable in my size 24W's & 2X shirts & blouses, but not losing any more size lately.  I don't care if I never lose another ounce.  I'm committed to LDL for life unless the Lord tells me otherwise.  I have munched on Neil's leftovers more than once and made some not-so-perfect choices in the hospital, but thankfully they didn't derail me.  In the interest of full disclosure I must report my indiscretions:  Ate the filling out of a piece of pumpkin pie; chose not to pick off the crispy potato crusting that was inextricably welded to two VERY nice big tilapia filets (one eaten at midnight); unconsciously ate a small bag of Lays Baked potato chips one crazy afternoon; was not always diligent about picking every single grain of rice, noodle & potato chunk out of the cafeteria soups & stews; and enjoyed three mini packages of graham crackers with a nonfat latte late one night while watching a Netflix movie on my computer (ran out of grapes).  That's about it.  Not too terribly bad in the large scheme of things.  

My problem since we've been home is that I'm too stressed, tired, busy and uninterested in cooking big vats of beans, & roasted veggies.  Cooking is also complicated by the need to do his hand hydrotherapy in the kitchen sink.  Eating grapes & popcorn as my main meal of the day is not such a great idea.  My ankles are bloated and my mouth is sore from the acid & salt.  Other than that, I try to eat the meat out of sandwiches, frozen meals & soups that I make for Neil.  

Neil was in the hospital from 7/13 through 8/1, two days of which were in CCU.  Those were the only two days I slept at home.  The rest of the time the Lord blessed us with a private room so I could stay and take care of him.  He was in the hospital 12 days before they finally amputated two fingers on his right hand.  He also suffered from a troublesome bout with C-diff he contracted in the hospital.  That and his altered mental state from overmedication are the real reasons why I HAD to stay there - it was necessary for me to clean him and the room from top to bottom several times a day.  The hospital staff just doesn't do a good job.  (Don't want to go into it here -- you can Google "C-diff" if you don't know what it is.) He has much less pain now than he did before the surgery.  He's recovering and regaining some of his physical strength & abilities so I soon won't have to do so much for him.  Home health care has been here a couple of times, but when they see that I have everything under control, they lose interest in being much help, but they are shipping me bandages & dressing supplies for his multiple wounds from surgeries, non-healing ulcerations on the feet and bed sores.  That is HUGE help, not having to go to the medical supply store.  Poor guy looks like a mummy.  I'm tempted to start being helpless to I CAN get more help, but that would be cheating.  God made me this strong and able for His reasons that I don't pretend to understand.  I suppose that's HIS way of making us both stronger and more independent of the world and more trusting in Him and his power to control our circumstances.  If life was easy, then we wouldn't need HIM, would we?  I THANK GOD for Michelle & Joe, making almost daily trips to the hospital with clean laundry, grapes, popcorn makings, and whatever else I needed to keep myself healthy & sane during our "vacation".

On the lighter side, right now, chasing Neil around the house is like trying to take care of an active two-year-old with medical issues.  It's actually pretty funny, like a comedy sketch.  Neil's pretty helpless to take care of himself, but in his power chair he's just mobile enough to get himself in trouble if I don't watch him constantly.  He was SO overmedicated with opiates and nerve meds & still has some residual effects from all that, so he sometimes isn't aware of what he's doing.  He frequently slips into an altered mental state complicated by strong muscle jerking that make him like a rolling demolition derby.  He can be in the middle of a conversation when he goes into a really active sleepwalking mode and starts pantomiming actions that make perfect sense to him but have no basis in reality.  If you ask him what he's doing he can explain perfectly that he's rigging up an overhead trolley to enable us to more efficiently go deep sea fishing in the clothes dryer.  When he's lucid he's perfectly reliable although still fairly weak, but consciousness can fade away right in the middle of whatever he's doing.  One time we were watching a movie & he go tired & said he was going to bed.  When the movie was over an hour later, I found him sound asleep in his power chair in the hallway outside the bedroom with the dustmop in his hand.  I'm sorry & I felt bad about not seeing him to bed, but it was pretty funny.

I try to help him be more independent & do more for himself, but whatever I give him to hold in his good hand, I can be fairly certain I'm going to be wearing it within a minute or two when one of the nerve jerking/tremor episodes start.  I don't want to humiliate him by giving him sippy cups, etc., so I've come up with some creative solutions.  One is to put drinks into travel mugs with the lids taped on & straws taped unto the hole.  Another one I particularly like for hot drinks where you don't want to use a straw is to put them into a small plastic beverage shaker with a strainer device over the opening to reduce splashing.  There are some little plastic caps with screw-on lids that you can clamp onto cans that are very effective, too.  Forget what they're called.  Got them at the "As Seen on TV" aisle at WallyWorld.  I put his cereal into a soup mug with as little milk as possible.  Judie, if you have any other ideas, I welcome your input.

So many people have asked about us! ! !  I regret that I can't give each person a detailed personal reply, but I know you understand.  Ya'll don't give up on me - Lord willing, I'm here for the long haul ! ! !  Please give everyone my love & let everyone know they are in my thoughts & prayers.

Loves, Gwennaford

[Jazmyn]

Dear Gwen, Thank you for your post and update on how things have been in your life recently. So many warm hugs and thoughts headed your way. 

I just love your sense of humor, your incredible spirit shines through in your posts. 

~Jazmyn 

[heretotheend]

Gwen it is good to hear from you....you and Neil are in my prayers

[mrsj]

He was SO overmedicated with opiates and nerve meds & still has some residual effects from all that, so he sometimes isn't aware of what he's doing.  He frequently slips into an altered mental state complicated by strong muscle jerking that make him like a rolling demolition derby.  He can be in the middle of a conversation when he goes into a really active sleepwalking mode and starts pantomiming actions that make perfect sense to him but have no basis in reality.  If you ask him what he's doing he can explain perfectly that he's rigging up an overhead trolley to enable us to more efficiently go deep sea fishing in the clothes dryer.  When he's lucid he's perfectly reliable although still fairly weak, but consciousness can fade away right in the middle of whatever he's doing.  One time we were watching a movie & he go tired & said he was going to bed.  When the movie was over an hour later, I found him sound asleep in his power chair in the hallway outside the bedroom with the dustmop in his hand.  I'm sorry & I felt bad about not seeing him to bed, but it was pretty funny.

Oh those meds are something!  My dh, Terry, did a lot of talking in his sleep.......talking about projects he was building........other times killing snakes..........most of the time mumblings.  One time coming out of surgery he started singing, lol, complete with sweeping arm gestures!  Later Terry told me when he heard himself singing, he told himself to "Shutup, shutup, shutup!"  But he didn't!!  He did tell the nurse that he thought he was drunk.  She said, "I think so!"  My daughter would have paid money for a video of that one.  Gotta laugh!
Hugs to you Gwen,
mrsj

[tprouty]

Hey Gwen!

So glad to hear from you, glad you're home -- and more glad than I can say for your unsinkable sense of humor! Not many others could deal with what you've been dealing with the past weeks. God is good to give you the strength and the vision to see a bigger picture, and the humor to laugh and smile at the bumps along the way.

Continued prayers coming your way!

And hugs!   

Terri

[Gwennaford]

To paraphrase my scripture motto, The joy FROM the Lord is my strength.

[turkkm]

Wow Gwennaford, so much going on and many trials too.  You have a tough spirit...well I know that's because it is the Holy Spirit in you.  I am keeping you in prayer.  We sure do appreciate all your LDL wisdom whenever you can get on the boards...and all your other wisdom for that matter! 

[mom]

Gwen, I am sure the Lord gave you a sense of humour to deal with everything that is going on in your life, please don't be afraid to accept some help, even if it is only respite care, so that you can make your soups and beans, You need to care for you so that you are better able to take care of you dh Neil.  May God strengthen and sustain you during this time.  May He lay his healing hands on Neil and heal him as only the Lord can.  I will continue to pray for you both.

[Gwennaford]

Thanks for the wisdom, Kathie & Mom.  I would be glad to accept respite help if there was any available!  grr...  You know all those people who offer "anything you need ...  I mean it ... ANYthing..."  You know those people?  Church, friends, family, whoever - face it - they have lives of their own and IF they can manage to squeeze you into their busy lives, it's likely to be two weeks from next March - long after your need to have a doctor's appointment or a prescription picked up.

Thankfully, I have all of YOU wonderful people here to provide moral support and encouragement while I'm tearing out my hair.  And JUST when I'm about to give up and go home - the Lord sends an angel to spell me.  This week it was in the form of a very wise dialysis nurse who very gently but firmly told Neil that SHE would be dialyzing him in center for two weeks to give him some IV meds that I couldn't give him at home.  It was a true, but somewhat manufactured excuse because they CAN provide training to give IV meds at home, but they don't like to do that.  And one look at my face told her that I NEEDED a break after three weeks of uninterrupted 24/7 care for him in the hospital.  

SOOO... today I'm SERIOUSLY enjoying a couple hours of "me" time.  I made a luscious tuna stuffed tomato/salad that wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but it was so pretty & delicious that I wanted to share.

Tuna Stuffed Tomato Salad

1 - 6.4 oz. pouch White Albacore Tuna (no oil) broken up with fork
1 cup pineapple chunks
1 cup red seedless grapes, halved
1 med/large tomato cut into similar sized chunks as above
1 med red or green bell pepper cut as above
1 stalk of celery, sliced
1/2 cup lite mayo
2 Tbsp. dried onion flakes (dried absorbs excess juices to keep it from being soupy)
2 Tbsp. coarse stone ground mustard
2 Tbsp. sliced Kalamata olives
Pinch red pepper flakes
Fresh cracked mixed peppercorns

Mix all together, chill & enjoy.  It is a nice mixture of hot/sour/salty/sweet/savory/crunchy & soft.  Yummy.

[cm in tn]

HELLO SWEETY
Just stopped by to say hi and i wish i could you give a great big hug
I do know exactly what you are and have been going through .Cause i been there and done it all with my beloved chuck.There's no words to encourage you my friend.You and Neil are in my thoughts and prayers.Its hard to see your loved one go through what they are going threw.I stayed at hospital 6 weeks and longer when Chuck was getting treatment for Leukemia he never got to come home when suppose to he got yeast infection staff all at same time.I too moved in his room and would not leave him the hospital can only do so much and he needed more care than they could do i wasn't bout to leave him.There was times when you would clean him up and you would get clean up, theN he would mess the bed and hes self up again.they finally put cart outside his door with fresh linen's so i had them when i needed them.I guess my point is we do what we got to do for our loved ones.I to didn't know how i would make it threw the day and no sleep but God was there every step of the way and I still think god for letting me take care of him!!!Chuck will be gone 5 yrs this Oct but you know what i can sleep at nite knowing i was there every day and i spent our last mths together.Yes the days are long and nites are weary but lean on God and he'll see you through.I don't know why life cant be like a box of chocolates????HUM


The humor keeps us sane and we can handle the day better.Oh yea every one wants to know if they can help thats it they only want to know if you told them something you needed they run for the hills.try and have some me time i know your laughing I'm not talking bout a whole 30 min even 10 or 15 ever now an then to recharge your battery.Cause with out you where would Neil be?Please take care girl hope Neil improves now that he's home.thats good for you also go set out in the sun for 10 min.Will keep in you close in my prayers and always in my thoughts.

i will be back soon on site for good right now really busy with gardening.I got to get back on plan !!!!!Sounds like you done good that would be excuse for me to eat n eat stress and no access to only hospital food. take care love you girl.