EnJae's Journal

[EnJae]

RT;
You may want to change your comment 'Alright NJ.' Because I have added the rest of the foods I ate and lunch was not what I was supposed to eat...
But the rest of the week should be on-plan. I went grocery shopping tonight.

[EnJae]

RT
A lot of my off-plan eating has nothing to do with food-cravings or blood sugar levels. It has to do with my emotions about death and loss.
I know you don't understand. But I finally do. And I think I'm getting the upper-hand on it....
I have stopped binging for WEEKS  and MONTHS at a time when someone near me dies. Now it is just a meal or two. I am already back on track.
NJ

[EnJae]

15 September 2008

Breakfast:
banana, 2 fried eggs, LDL sausage (finally made some), oats flavored with cinnamon and Stevia, coffee, green tea and water, vitamins.

Lunch:
Soup made from beef broth and grilled onions, water. Sort of a French Onion Soup without the bread and cheese. (and vitamins)

Supper:
We ate at Red Robin tonight.
I ordered a "hamburger combo" made with the following -- a grilled chicken breast, mustard, tomato and onion all wrapped in lettuce leaves; the "fries" was a Caesar Salad with no croutons nor bacon bits and the Caesar dressing on the side. I had a headache so I chose to have a diet coke (for the caffeine) but I asked them to bring me a child's sized cup instead of the medium-sized one and not to bring any refills but to also give me a water for which I did want refills. Oh, I also took my vitamins.

[Gwennaford]

Enjae -- It hurts my heart when you are sad.  I so glad you don't give up, and that you keep coming back here where we love & admire you!

I missed something while I was away.  What is your work that requires you to cook bacon for people???

[glow=red,2,300]IN GOD WE TRUST[/glow]

Love, Gwen

[robnveronica]

she's a caregiver of some sort Gwen. One who cooks for the client because they can't do for themselves

[EnJae]

RT;
1) I loved the flavor;
2) I liked the consistency (chewiness)
3) I was bothered by the areas of white in what I thought was a well-mixed sausage patty. Ground turkey just seems odd to me.

But I didn't get where I am today without having a few food issues...and learning to get over them.
This, too shall pass. I will get used to the look of the meat and then the things I love and like will be what stand out for me.

Thank you for your patience with me.
NJ

[EnJae]

Gwen;

I come from years of child abuse interspersed with occasions of foster care...
I met "Death" by the age of 3. Fortunately I met God at the same age.

But due to early trauma I have never learned to handle death in easy manner. I am thrown back into my reaction as a 3yo when someone near me passes into eternal life. My brain understands a bit better but my emotions over-whelm me.
With all the deaths that I have been touched by just since January of 2006, it is no surprise that I struggle with sadness. [I counted them up here once; and several more have died since then. {Added later: I went back and counted up I have lost 18 family members, friends, clients and pets from January 2006 to today.}] BUT my Abba continues to pull me through.

As far as work: I am a Senior CAREGiver. I go to homes and take care of folks. I do for them what they are not able to do for themselves. For instance in one home perhaps the client's family just needs a break for a couple of hours. I might only sit next to their bed and give the family time to get out of the house. Or at another home perhaps the client doesn't need companionship but no longer can keep their house in the condition they used to; in that home I would just be a housekeeper. I am different things to different people.

And you are right V. At the first home I go to every weekday morning I fix coffee, bacon, eggs and toast for my client. And hot green tea, LDL sausage, eggs and oats for myself. The client gets 'fruit' out of a jelly jar and I always bring a real piece of fruit for myself...

[Gwennaford]

Oh, Enjae -- I am stunned to think that someone who has been hurt so much can reach down inside herself and actually find comfort and love to give to others.  Someone who has suffered so much COULD conceivably seal themselves off from others in self-pity.  But I am amazed at your strength and integrity under horrendous circumstances and that you can maintain such a big, open heart for others.  That is the very definition of Christianity, to me.

I am actually at the point of seeking some kind of home care for us, until I am well enough to get out of this wheelchair.  Neil is getting sicker and I'm quickly getting overwhelmed trying to take care of everything here by myself.  Michelle has decided that living here is too much responsibility and she would be happier living in another town.  How does a family or an individual go about applying for home care assistance?  We're too young for Medicare, but I'm betting our insurance would pay for at least part of it.

May God bless you, Enjae, as richly as your testimony enriches me.

Love, Gwen

[Tori]

Oh, Gwen! If I lived closer, I would come take care of you and your hubby! I have actually been looking into becoming a caregiver myself. I would so love to take care of you! I do think traveling from Montana each day would make for too much of a commute though. 

[Gwennaford]

Maybe you could fly on those angel wings...

Not looking for sympathy, though, more like information.  I never really thought about a home caregiver for us, but I guess we probably would qualify now.  I'm just not sure where to start asking.

[patsyfay]

Enjae,
I pray that you feel the presence of God so perfectly that as you care for others, they will feel it, too. God bless you as you minister to all of them.  You are like Paul, who determined to be all things to all people.  God truly has been with you as you have moved through the loss of these 18...you've been right under the shadow of His wing...warm and safe, and He keeps strengthening you.  Only someone who has understood the great loss that you have can give what you can to others.  We may not understand the things that happen in life, but God can use them to bless others.  May you continue to feel His presence and smell His fragrance.  God bless you, Enjae.
Pat

[snowbirdie]

Gwen.
    You need to start with your county office. Maybe health department? I 'm not sure. Here I called the county office. I had a home health aid when my husband was sick and to help with our daughter. Molly is bedfast  Now I am looking to get a caregiver to take care of molly and Ralph while I get out for a while. Don't be afraid to ask. There is a lot of help out there.  Take care.    Judie

[Tori]

I also found in our phone book under the state directory, listings in the Human Services Department called "Senior and Long Term Care" services. You might want to see if your phone book has the same type of listings.

Good luck finding someone! (((Hugs)))

[EnJae]

17 September 2008

Very tired. Very sad about friend's current poor health... [Abba Father? When is enough really ENOUGH???]

Breakfast:
LDL Sausage, (I used ground turkey breast, RT. Is that wrong?)
scrambled eggs,
oats with skim milk,
green tea, water and vitamins

After Breakfast:
coffee w/Stevia

Lunch:
(missed it)

Snack:
grapes

Supper:
Grilled chicken, salad, regular iced tea w/Stevia

[Gwennaford]

Enjae, I'm sorry your journal got pre-empted by discussion of my home care needs. 

I'm really glad you were able to get in a good supper after your heavy day. 

We are told that whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but Lord, please allow NJ to at least have a vacation for her hurting heart ... I ask this in Jesus' precious Name...