Gwennaford's Journal

[CodingQueen]

Gwen, don't forget about the rebate they're offering for appliances.

Also, don't let me forget to give you my husband's number the next time you need a plumber. He won't charge you an arm and leg. I'll see to that.

CQ

[Gwennaford]

I'm pre-shopping for both a fridge & washer in preparation for April 16 & I have the website bookmarked.  I'm going to be ready to hit "enter" at 11 a.m. & 10 seconds to reserve my rebate!

Neil was in the building industry so I have able-bodied helpers lined up down the driveway.  Thanks for the offer of a good-lookin' plumber, though!

[wendysgoodnews]

Oh Gwen
What a day, glad you can have a good attitude about it all.  Only God's strength could be keeping you this happy.
Yes as codingqueen said there are rebates out there to help with new appliances that are more efficient.

[CodingQueen]

That's good!

I know he's in St. Pete today so it wouldn't have been that far for him to drive and check it out for you.

CQ

[Gwennaford]

OH -- forgot to say it IS the washer, not the pipes.   I got the washer just after Michelle was born in 1988, so I knew its days were numbered.  And the fridge has cost me as much in repairs as I paid for it originally.  Been wanting an excuse to get new ones.  

I am very grateful they both waited to go out until all the excitement was over and company gone home.  WHEW!!!

For the above and all of your MANY blessings, I THANK YOU GOD ! ! !

[CodingQueen]

Gwen,

All you have to do is believe in Him and he'll take care of you. That's why they lasted until after your company were gone.

I kept telling that to one of my coworkers that was always having something go wrong in her life. We were headed to work one morning down I-75 and it was pouring down so hard you could barely see the road. I had forgotten my umbrella (I usually keep it the car) and all she kept saying was, "we're going to get soaked." I just said, "no we're not....God will stop it when we get there because he knows I forgot my umbrella and if I get wet I'll get bronchitis on top of my asthma." It did as soon as we pulled into the parking lot long enough for us to get inside the hospital. Then it pour like crazy again. That changed her tune real quick.

CQ

[cameron]

HI Gwennaford- how are you doing today? You are an amazing woman, so strong

[Ginny M.]

Gwen, I was so sorry to hear of Neil's passing.  I did not realize that he was so sick.  Mary mentioned it at Julie's house that you were burying Neil that day.  I had not really been on the boards except to check out the info for San Antonio so I did not get the news of his passing.  I have just been reading your posts and it reconfirms my thoughts that "YOU ARE AMAZING"  in so many ways.  I know God has you  and Neil  in his hands.

I will be back this way (Clermont-Orlando & Wauchula) in late October/early November.  I would so love to take you to lunch for all the help and encouragement you have been to me when I started LDL  .


Ginny

[Gwennaford]

Thanks to everyone for supporting me.  Most days I'm fine. Today I'm feeling very sad.  

Last night I finally got a chance to open a picture disk that the kids made in memory of Neil.  I hadn't seen any pics of him prior to meeting him in 1986, so it was interesting, but as I went through them I became so very sad that we hadn't had an opportunity to share all those pictures memories of his pre-Gwennaford life.  He had told me about all the events depicted, but I'm angry that those photos were kept from him all these years.  He would SO have enjoyed having the pics to back him up. There are so many things I want to ask him and tell him about those pictures now.  

There is one in particular from around 1969 that is haunting me (left, below). It was in my dreams all night and I woke up with it on my mind this morning.  When I look at it I wonder what secret wisdom he is revealing to his baby boy.  I want to ask him what his hopes and dreams were when he was 20 years old.  I want to know what he was thinking about that put that expression on his face.  I want to tell him that I can see our future babies in his eyes.  I'm jealous of the years that passed before he was mine and I'm angry that he's gone.  Twenty-three years was not long enough to complete what we wanted to do with our life together.

 

I said I'm haunted by this picture and it's true.  I keep seeing this face at unexpected moments.  Today I went downtown to his office building to deliver his death certificate to human resources.  THAT is not what tore me apart.  What actually did me in was catching a glimpse of a young man with this face coming out of the building next door. I'm not constantly searching for MY Neil, on the right, but I keep finding myself glancing at strangers, catching glimpses of the fantasy Neil that I never knew.  What's up with that?  

I found a poem I wrote to him for Valentine's day a few years ago.  It's too personal to post here, but I want to share it eventually.  I have started creating blog on blogspot.com so I can move these things over there.  For my peace of mind and faster LDL recovery, I think Let's Do Lunch needs to become a Neil-free zone.

[Bethann]

Thinking of you in this great loss of your Neil!

He looks like a man that would be wonderful to know!

We love you and are praying for you!
 

[Gwennaford]

[img]http://[/img]Well today is a new day. Yesterday I weighed in at 315 - 16 pounds more than I was in June 2009 when I arrived in Twoterville.  Today is my first full day preparing to turn LOOSE THE CABOOSE!  I remembered a quote that sums it all up:

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."  – Penelope Cruz in Vanilla Sky

For accountability, I'm going to resume posting my meals on Gwennaford's Food Diary.  I ask that all comments & conversation regarding the food diary to be posted HERE in Gwennaford's Journal.  I enjoy chatting and sharing experiences & motivation with everyone.  But talking about what I SHOULD be doing easily distracts me from what I AM doing.  I don't want the food diary to become a chat room that distracts from the purpose of the diary -- KEEPING ME ON TRACK.

It is going to take a lot of dedication and hard work, discipline and accountability to get myself in shape for those new knees before I meet ya'll on the ferry to KEY WEST!  I want to come aboard on my own two feet, not on six wheels and a walker!  I am SOOOO LOOKING FORWARD to scuba diving, sailing, exploring those Tuscan hills and hiking up to the ancient villages, and strolling the streets of Paris!  

Anyone care to join me?


                 
               

----------- OOPS -- FORGOT ONE ! ! !  ------------------

[Joyful Friend]

My Gwen, I think I would like those places.  Thanks for the invite,  Joyful Friend

[Ginny M.]

You GO GIRL!    We're with you! 


Ginny

[Gwennaford]

From Coding Queen:  

You don't by any chance work for the Clearwater/Pinellas Suncoast Welcome Center. If not, they need to hire you.  

LOL -- CQ, Thank you.  I worked for the City of Clearwater as a legislative aide in City Hall.  A big part of my job was writing grant requests and drafting letters and position papers on behalf of the mayor and council members to the state & federal legislators to lobby for appropriations for Clearwater projects.  Every week one of my letters appeared in the newspapers with an elected official's signature on it!

Former Florida Sen. Jack Latvala and U.S. Congressman. CW (Bill) Young are VERY good friends of the city and it was my job to make sure they were happy when they came to town.  Unfortunately, office politics created a toxic workplace environment in my particular department.  I can't prove it, but I believe the stress was responsible for the onset of the arthritis that forced my departure.  You CAN fight City Hall -- you just can't win!  

All that aside, I just love Florida.  It is easy to write and speak enthusiastically about something that you really love.  Convincing people to lay down their cash or change their lifestyle is another story.   Just ask Roger Troy!

What I need to do now is find another job totally unrelated to anything I did for the City of Clearwater so I won't lose my small disability pension!    It's not enough to live on, but it's 20% more than I'm allowed to make to qualify for Medicaid.   If I gave it up for a full-time job, I would essentially be working for free for two weeks out of every month.  I'm not sure I'm physically able to work full time, so I need to find a part time NON desk job.  Michelle said, with my outgoing personality, I should be a greeter at Walmart.  Shopping cart, Ma'am?

[Gwennaford]

Lovely rainy Spring day.  Rain started last night and continued all day, gentle and steady, refreshing our parched sandy earth.  It hasn't rained for a long time.  It was cold, windy and blustery LONG past the time it usually starts getting warm.  We all became weary of the cold, but all that wind and shaking was good for cleaning the dead leaves and moss from the tree branches, making room for the buds to bloom.  Now they are getting their hair washed to settle all the pollen that has been plaguing allergy sufferers.  Soon it will be too hot & muggy to keep the windows open, & the a/c will have to be cranked up.  But I'm going to resist as long as possible.  The fragrance coming from the citrus blossoms in the back yard is heavenly!  The neighbor DIDN'T cut down the grapefruit tree on the property line, so maybe I will still have grapefruits next Christmas.  Maybe not.

I've been resting, reading and watching TV.  Eating better, gaining strength, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.  I need a plan.  Or maybe not.  They say a sure way to make God laugh is to tell Him your plans.    Whatever happens I don't want to fall back into the habit of just eating, sleeping, and neglecting stuff that needs my attention.  My house is still a wreck, for the most part.  There are piles of stuff that are still sitting where they landed during the funeral week.  I have been sporadically working on clearing up little piles, not really making the clean sweep that is needed. 

I REALLY need to buy some thank-you cards and get them sent.  People have been so good to me.  I know they must think I don't care about them because I never call or write.  I hope they understand I'm just kind of in a holding pattern.  I'm praying to get motivated to take care of business.  Maybe it will help to make a priority list. 

My tummy's still full from that big lunch today.   I feel so sleepy.  I hate to lie down with a full stomach, but my eyes are rolling around in my head and I really should elevate my legs for a while.  That's something good I'm trying to remember to do for myself more frequently.  Also stretching and isometric leg exercises to increase blood flow. 

Yesterday I had a fill-in on my nails and spent a few hours trying on clothes.  It was marginally depressing, but was really good for motivating me to eat well today!  I was happy to be in off-the-rack sizes.  Granted it was at the Avenue, but still there were things that were falling off of me. 

OK - I'm sleepy and thinking about eating to stay awake  Not good.  Going to do some leg exercises and nap for a little while.

[MsHeirloom]

Yeah!  Gwen!!!  An even hundred pounds (for now).  Way to go girl!  Pam

[Sneaky Snoopy]

I love the Avenue.  Nice little shop.

[Gwennaford]

Thanks for stopping in, ladies!

I have done a good job of managing with a very tiny refrigerator & an ice chest.  Shopping & cooking in smaller quantities, eating up one thing before cooking another, & rotating the fresh food produce to plan appealing meals with what needs to be eaten first are new challenges for me.  I'm practicing being Parisienne!

Guess who likes raw zucchini?>  My little dog, Sandy!  She's such a treat hog, but she gets an upset tummy so I have to be careful what I give her.  Grapes were her fave until I learned they are harmful for dogs.  Now I have to fight her for my strawberries, bananas and cantaloupe.  She still doesn't like oranges, apples mushrooms or black olives.  

LOL  Nobody cares about this but me.  It's like Tweeting.  Why the heck should I care when someone got home, or watched TV, or took a shower?  I don't get it.  I also can't figure out the appeal of Facebook.  Neil's boss made a Facebook page for him that was instantly deluged with everyone's gardening and hearts and other people's conversations.  It was really just a way to post information about his condition without violating the City's privacy rules about personal use of City email, but people were offended when he didn't accept their friend requests.  He never even SAW the thing!  I posted messages & photos on his behalf a couple of times, and people thought it was him writing, I guess.

That said, how do I find the Let's Do Lunch Facebook page?  

[bludaffodil]

Here's the link I have for LDL Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lets-Do-L ... ref=search


Hope it works for you,
Kathy

[Gwennaford]

Oh my gosh, Kathy -- Thank you so much for the link.  I bookmarked it.  I was SO wanting to see the 700 Club interview.  I didn't know it was there, too.  I watched it twice I love Roger Troy and Anita so much!

Is there a direct link to the video too?